This is chai, spiked with pumpkin, spiked with Biscoff. This is love in a cup, a big warm hug for your soul. This is warm comfort as you’re forced (forced!!) to choose between Boardwalk Empire and Revenge. Why do television line-ups have to be so cruel?

You take lazy Sundays, crisp autumn nights, and fuzzy socks, stir them together and pour them in a cup. Bam! You get Pumpkin Biscoff Chai Latte. It’s a proven scientific fact. I forgot the formula because I failed Chemistry, so just take my word for it.

You need this. I need a lobotomy.

Now on to the difficulty of choosing which show takes precedence and which show gets DVR’d. . . .

Pumpkin Biscoff Chai Latte

1 cup milk
1 chai tea bag
2 tablespoons Biscoff
2 tablespoons pumpkin puree
1/4 teaspoon chai or pumpkin pie spice

Heat milk until nearly boiling. Remove from heat and steep the tea bag in the milk for 5 minutes. Remove the tea bag and return the milk to low heat. Once the milk begins to get steamy, whisk in the Biscoff and the pumpkin puree until combined. Season with spices and serve.

Serves 1.

I realize that now is the time for pumpkin. I realize I’ve been complaining for weeks (months) that I’m ready (so ready) for fall and all the gooey, mushy, baked comfort of it.

But.

Mr. Hausfrau and I took a little tripity-trip to Disney World for a few days last week. And yes, it is the happiest place in the world. Yes, my heart did thrill at the site of seeing the entrance to Magic Kingdom gussied up for fall. Yes, we did do a lot of walking. And eating. Hi, pineapple whip – you really are as epic as the myths say.

We stumbled through Epcot and the countries (my favorite!!). Hey, soft pretzels paired with a delicious Oktoberfest beer – why don’t we meet more often?

So as you can imagine, I came back loaded up on sugar sugar sugar and wheat wheat wheat, feeling like a little bit of a cow cow cow. Mooooo.

Vegetables were in order. So, I came home, went to the store, and loaded up the cart with nothing but veggies veggies veggies. Some were fall-inspired veggies (so that should earn me a point or two)

Kitchen experimentation yielded this raw cauliflower couscous that is oh-my-lordie-sweet-baby-jesus good. It doesn’t even taste like cauliflower. It tastes like tangy, salty, lemony, herby heaven. It explodes with mediterranean flavors and freshness. I can’t stand it. Ugh. And with a nice little piece of fish – fughedaboutit.

If this is the perfect prescription for a bloated, icky tummy of overindulgence, I should eat chocolate for lunch more often.

Raw Cauliflower Couscous

3 cups cauliflower, shredded
1/2 cup carrots, finely diced
1/3 cup red pepper, finely diced
4 tablespoons basil, chopped
4 tablespoons parsley, chopped
3 tablespoons olive oil
3 tablespoons sundried tomato, finely diced
2 tablespoons Kalamata olives, finely diced
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon capers, minced
2 teaspoons lemon zest
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper

Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl and toss until combined. Chill for at least 1 hour to let the flavors combine.

Serves 4

Last week I said I would embrace the remnants of summer.

This week, I’m dropping that shiz like a bad habit.

I’m baking. I’m caking. I’m partying with the pumpkin. I’m grooving with the maple syrup. I’m getting down and funky with the cinnamon. And the apples – let’s not get into what I’ve done with the apples.

My crockpot is on overdrive and there’s several different batches of soup already in my freezer.

Oh, how quickly the wind (a lady’s mind) changes.

Who am I kidding – I’m no lady.

Many moons ago, I made a raw vegan chocolate mousse with my delighful little lovers – the humble little cashew. Since then, I’ve wanted to make at least 5 different iterations on that recipe. So far, I’ve done none. My underachievement greatly pains me.

Until now! I finally done did it, and I actually done did eat it. All of it. It’s a maple cinnamon mousse. It says welcome fall, please don’t be a stranger. Come in, stay awhile. It’s almost raw which means that I feel ingeniously clean all up on the inside. It’s sweet and deep and spicy.

That’s fall, y’all. And that makes my face happy.

Vegan Maple Cinnamon Mousse

1 cup raw cashews, soaked 6 hours
2 tablespoons maple syrup
4 teaspoons coconut oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
5 tablespoons water
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
pinch salt

Puree all the ingredients in a food processor approximately 3 minutes, until creamy and fluffy, stopping to scrape the bowl as needed. Chill at least 2 hours before serving (the mousse will thicken upon chilling).

Serves 2-3

Perhaps I’m a day late and a dollar short?

Because we’re edging our way towards the middle of September, which means that we’re edging our way toward the end of September, which means we’re truly edging our way into fall and what the heck am I doing making frozen yogurt NOW, of all times?

Beats me.

See, I’ve got this awesome ice cream maker with a built-in compressor, which means that, in theory, I could spend my days and nights churning away batch after batch of ice cream. But the darned thing is so big and heavy that the mere idea of forklifting it out of storage keeps me running to the store, instead, for Ben and Jerry’s. The ice cream maker continues to collect dust and dog fur in the pantry.

(On a side note, why is there dog hair in my pantry? What are those little rats doing when I’m not home? I’m not buying that malarky about their lack of opposable thumbs.)

In fact, I haven’t made ice cream in a few years. It’s almost as shameful as the enormous clumps of dog fur accumulated in every corner of my home.

(Seriously, WHAT are these dogs doing when I’m not home?)

My change of heart came with the tub of vanilla chocolate chunk Chobani yogurt I had in my refrigerator, getting ready to expire. I had thrown it into my grocery cart weeks ago, a little bit on impulse, a lot on foolishness – I don’t even like flavored yogurts.

So, there the Chobani sat and sat. I pointed it out to Mr. Hausfrau a few times, hoping he’d take a dip into it but still it just sat. The container had a recipe for a custard on it, which didn’t get my engines revved. But my engines made the natural jump from custard to ice cream – or in this case frozen yogurt.

Naturally, I had to add peanut butter, because when there are chocolate chips present HOW CAN YOU NOT?

Sorry about the screaming. I’m passionate about the nutter butters.

Luckily, this frozen yogurt is impossible easy, with a thankfully short list of ingredients. It’s a no-brainer. You stir, pour, and churn. And, most importantly, eat

I guess it makes hauling that 20-something pound ice cream maker out of the pantry more palatable.

Though I’m not sure about the resulting hernia.

Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Frozen Yogurt

(Inspired by The Wannabe Chef’s Chobani Frozen Yogurt)

1/2 cup peanut butter
1 can light coconut milk
1 tub vanilla chocolate chunk Chobani yogurt
1 cup powdered sugar
2 teaspoon vanilla extract
pinch of salt

In a large mixing bowl, whisk the coconut milk into the peanut butter, a small amount at a time to ensure no peanut butter clumps remain. Once all the coconut milk is incorporated, add the remaining ingredients and stir until blended. Chill the mixture at least 1 hour. Churn in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturers instructions. Store tightly covered in your freezer. This frozen yogurt does freeze pretty hard, though not solid. Allow it to sit out 10-15 minutes for better scoopability.

Serves 4-6

I’ve been obsessively checking the weather forecast everyday, searching for a hint of cooler weather so I can slap on those boots and that scarf I’ve been dyyyyyyying to wear. I’ll throw the windows open and light a few scented candles, spend the afternoon puttering away in the kitchen.

I’ll settle for 77 degrees. Admittedly, the boots may start to feel sticky after a few hours and the scarf may feel like a noose by the waning afternoon light. But, I’ll settle, because the forecast right now is calling for mid 80’s to 90’s all across the board.

No dice. So, if I have to still suffer my flip-flops (which are starting to look pretty shabby by now), I suppose I’ll keep away from the pumpkin for just a little bit longer. I’ll capitalize on the harvest of summer vegetables that still crowd the markets. I’ll eat stone fruit and blackberries, and I’ll like it.

These sesame zucchini noodles have 90 degree days written all over them. It’s veggies on top of veggies with more veggies thrown in. The sauce is nutty and fragrant with sesame. It’s coating noodles that you’ve ingeniously made from zucchini. There’s carrots, cucumbers, peppers, and cilantro thrown in for color and crunch. Color is always a good thing. Crunch is fun, too.

I’ll be crunching on this while I wish snappy, cold days and golden leaves into existence – at which point I’ll likely start yearning for the balmy, late days of summer, again.

Sesame Zucchini Noodles

1/2 cup almond butter
2 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon lime juice
2 teaspoons agave syrup
1/2 teaspoon fresh ginger, grated
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 cups zucchini, spiralized or julienned
1 cup yellow pepper, julienned
1 cup cucumber, julienned
1 cup carrots, julienned
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

Combine the almond butter, water, soy sauce, olive oil, lime juice, agave syrup, ginger, sesame oil, and salt in the bottom of a large bowl and whisk until thick and emulsified. Add the zucchini, yellow pepper, cucumber and cilantro. Toss until evenly coated. Best served the same day it is made.

Serves 4-6

Dear Cashew Milk,

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll have to just come right out – we need a break. We need a chance to breathe, away from each other, a chance to see other people.

I know what we had was special – until I had met you, I’d never tasted a nut milk so sweet and smooth, creamy, thick and nutty. It was love at first taste. We had many wonderful times together this summer. In smoothies, in lattes, or, my favorite, straight up in a chilled glass. How I adored your complex simplicity!

But perhaps the summer is all we’ll have. Perhaps we’re meant to fly, just not together.

Truth be told, I love you cashew milk, but there’s someone else. It’s your cousin, brazil nut milk. It’s sordid, but it’s real. And he’s a lot like you – he’s thick and creamy, smooth and nutty. It’s just different with him, though. It’s just a touch more velvet, a little more refined.

Perhaps it’s the newness, the change, the breath of fresh air anticipated with the coming of a new season. I’m sorry, cashew milk. I’ll always have fond memories of you. Maybe I’ll come back to you one day. If you’ll have me. But for now, I must go where my passion lies, with Brazil nut milk.

I hope this won’t make family gatherings awkward.

xoxo,
Sally

Spiced Brazil Nut Milk

1 cup brazil nuts, soaked 4-6 hours, drained
3 cups water
2 dates, chopped
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla

Combine all the ingredients in a blender and blend 2-3 minutes, until completely smooth and creamy. Strain through a nut milk bag or a double layer of cheese cloth, squeezing the pulp until no further liquid remains. Store in the refrigerator, tightly covered, up to 3 days.

Yields approximately 3 cups of milk

Okay, look. While summer isn’t officially over until September something or other, let’s not kid ourselves – summer is really kinda over after Labor day. I’m not going to be the little shit that rains on your summer parade and mention that I’m so ready for fall that I’m likely to explode. I would never let y’all know that I’m madly craving just a few gulps of nose-tingling icy air.

Instead, I’ll commiserate with the folks that wish summer could last for a few more months, delaying a return to the realities of hustling and bustling and the myriad of obligations that come with the real life that’s associated with the months between September and May.

Now is the time to do it. You know, IT. Whatever you’ve been meaning to do all summer. That thing you scribbled on a post it note buried beneath the rubble of bills and paperwork on the kitchen counter.

Go for it. This weekend. Wear your white pants. Revel in your linen. Buy the freshest corn and biggest watermelon you can find and feast upon it until you’re lazy and sated. Hold hands with your significant someone and walk around the neighborhood barefoot, just you and the buzzing cicadas with their alien love song.

Plan a picnic. It’s a long weekend after all. There’s time. Pack a basket full of whatever your little heart desires.

My fantasy basket would have lots of cold roasted chicken, tomato salad, and this soup. It’s chilled and smooth and creamy. Mango and roasted yellow pepper blended with a touch of lime, olive oil, water and soaked cashews for extra creaminess. That’s all.

It’s a little bit peppery with a lingering, gentle sweetness. Hopelessly simple and quintessentially summer – a perfect summation of this coming Labor day weekend.

Chilled Yellow Pepper and Mango Soup

(Adapted from The 3-Day Cleanse)

1 cup roasted yellow pepper
1 cup mango
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 dates, pitted and roughly chopped
2 tablespoon lime juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1/2 cup raw cashews, soaked 4 hours and drained
Sliced basil, for garnish

Combine all the ingredients in a blender and puree until smooth. Serve chilled.

Serves 3-4

Ever since I made baklava for the first time in May, the leftover pieces have been haunting me. I stashed them in the freezer outside, tucked away in the garage, neighboring the trashcans. It should deter me. It doesn’t.

At least once a day, I think about those buttery, flakey layers, sandwiching a gooey, chewy, sweet nut and fruit filling. I fantasize about that sugary soaked bottom layer. A lot.

I shouldn’t have made it. I would have kept about my business, going through life having only tasted that freezer stuff, wondering what the heck all the fuss was about. Once you taste the real stuff, the homemade stuff with ALL THAT BUTTER, there’s no going back. Most of your waking thoughts are filled with baklava.

The pain. The ache.

The compromise, and I should wash my mouth out with soap for even uttering that word, is to find a way to use the flavors, perhaps even some of the textures, and make something more reasonable, redeeming, and healthy, even. Where’s that soap?

These are reminiscent of a Larabar, a gooey, chewy fruit and nut bar filled with pistachios, dates, apricots, lemon zest, cardamon and rosewater. It mimics that heavenly baklava filling but becomes a treat you won’t feel guilty about having as a quick breakfast stand-in or snack. It even packs well in lunch boxes.

There’s no butter or flaky filo layers in these, which may seem like sacrilege that I even call these treats baklava bars, but it keeps me from venturing out into the garage and standing in front of the opened freezer once a day, whispering to those stray plastic-wrapped pieces of the real stuff. And it keeps my husband from wondering why the gas and electric bill is so damned high.

So, in short, these are the win-win.

Baklava Fruit and Nut Bars

3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons shelled pistachios, unsalted (roasted or raw)
1 cup dried apricots, roughly chopped
1/2 cup dates, roughly chopped
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 teaspoons rosewater
1/4 teaspoon cardamon
1/8 teaspoon salt

Place all the ingredients in a food processor and pulse until the mixture is ground and sticking together. Press the mixture into an 8 x 8 pan lined with foil or plastic wrap. Chill at least 1 hour to set.

When ready to serve, pull the mixture out of the pan using the foil/plastic wrap handles. Cut into desired shapes and serve or store in the refrigerator.

Yields 9 – 12 bars

Last week, I decided to do some experimenting in the kitchen with a few extra taters I had hanging around. Armed with some knowledge of fry-making and a few cooking myths I’d heard, I was going to make homemade potato chips. Part of the batch I would make in the microwave and part in the oven. Have a cook-off of sorts. Except the only one doing the tasting was me. Typical.

As my first batch went into the oven, I worked on the microwave version. And a few minutes later, while my first batch was still in the oven, my microwave version was ready, golden and crispy with an blissfully solid crunch. Homemade potato chips! In mere minutes! In the microwave! And they’re darned good!

The only problem was that there’s only so many potato slices you can carefully arrange on a plate at once to go into that nuker. There would have to be multiple microwaved batches to equal just one of the oven batch but sweet baby Jesus, my mind buzzed with determination to get it done.

Somewhere in the middle of my 3rd microwave batch, my joy died. Actually, my microwave died. Just gave me one last, weak beep to signal the time was up. I raced over to it and, like any sane person would do, tried pressing every single button on the panel. Nada. I opened and closed it. Zilch. No lights, no beeps, nothing but an exterior that felt suspiciously warm to touch.

I stood at the counter, pondering how I would call my husband at work to explain to him that I had broken the microwave. Whoever built this house had the bright idea of making a custom built cubby for this microwave amongst the cabinets and no normal microwave would fit into this precious space. Obviously, the microwave we have there no longer exists. So, we’d have an empty black hole, a constant reminder of my potato chip exploits.

As I alternately panicked and brainstormed, I ate every last wonderful, glorious, extra crispy potato chip that had come out of the now defunct microwave.

The potato chips you see here – they came out of the oven. And they’re still life-changing. They’re still crispy and golden, with a shattering crunch that allows you to block out all other noise as you chew. You’ll still marvel over how easy it is to make your own chips and you’ll likely have 10 more ideas on how to make them next time. They’re just not as instantly gratifying as chips! In minutes! In the microwave!

Several hours later, long after I had photographed the chips, eaten a fair share, and put away the rest, I noticed the microwave screen glaring at me with a glowing green “reset” message. It was alive! Apparently I had overheated the Godforsaken thing.

So I flipped it the bird, grabbed my keys, and went to the mall.

Is there a lesson here? Yes. It’s never a good idea to shop for skinny jeans with a belly full of homemade potato chips, microwaved or not.

(Baked) Homemade Potato Chips

2 Russet Potatoes, scrubbed clean
2 Sweet Potatoes, scrubbed clean
1/4 cup olive oil, divided
Salt and Pepper, or other seasonings

Preheat the oven to 475 degrees. Line several baking sheets with a Silpat or parchment paper.

Slice the potatoes paper thin, preferably with a mandolin (I used the number 2 setting on this mandolin), or with a very sharp knife.

For the sweet potatoes, toss the slices in a large bowl with 2 tablespoons olive oil. Arrange the slices in an even layer on the baking sheet and sprinkle liberally with your seasonings.

For the Russet potatoes, soak the potato slices in warm tap water for 10 minutes. Remove the slices with a slotted spoon and blot them dry. (I arranged the slices in an even layer on a dishtowel, rolled up the towel and gently pressed on the roll).

In a large bowl, toss the dried potato slices with 2 tablespoons olive oil. Arrange the slices in an even layer on the baking sheet and sprinkle liberally with your seasonings.

Bake the potatoes 13-15 minutes, flipping the sliced potatoes halfway through, until golden and crispy. Remove the potatoes and allow them to cool on the sheet 5 minutes. Transfer the potato chips to a wire rack to allow them to cool completely. Store in a tightly sealed container.

Or, if microwaving, arrange the slices on a microwave safe plate that has been greased with oil. Microwave on high 2-4 minutes per side.

Yields 4-6 snack-sized servings

Look. More zucchini.

And that’s probably what you’re saying, your family is saying, every time you slop down another “inventive” zucchini dish on the dinner table. You get it, they get it – zucchini is the prolific and ever-versatile workhorse of the summer garden. Really, you get it, but you’re starting to get OVER it.

But, you’re not over pillow-thick, moist, spiced donuts with crispy edges and doughy middles, glazed with a thick, sweet, cream cheese frosting, are you? There’s just enough zucchini in there to use up that half nub you’ve got rattling around the bottom of your vegetable drawer.

Alternatively, there’s just enough zucchini in there to absolve yourself of the guilt you feel over eating 3 of these in one sitting.

Better yet, there’s just enough zucchini in there that I didn’t race after Max, screaming like a banshee, after he stealthily stuck his nose in the refrigerator and snatched one of these glazed beauties off a tray on the third shelf.

Finally, I’m just enough crazy to admit it was so darned cute that it’s totally worth the stray dog hairs I’ve been finding in the fridge this week.

Cream Cheese Glazed Zucchini Donuts
(adapted from the Basic Muffin recipe at Cook’s Illustrated)

1 1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 egg
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup greek yogurt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/4 cups zucchini, shredded and squeezed of excess liquid

4 ounces cream cheese
9 tablespoons powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3-4 tablespoons milk

Preheat the oven to 350. Grease the wells of a donut pan with nonstick cooking spray. Set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the egg and sugar until thick and creamy. Add the yogurt and vanilla, stir until homogeneous.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir until 80 percent combined. Add the zucchini and fold until the batter is combined.

Fill the donut wells 3/4 full with the batter and bake 18-20 minutes. Allow the donuts to cool completely before removing them from the pan and dipping them in the glaze.

To make the glaze: Heat the cream cheese in the microwave approximately 30 seconds, until warm and melty. Add the powdered sugar and vanilla to the cream cheese and stir until combined. Add the milk and whisk until you’ve reached your desired consistency.

Yields 9 donuts