January 2, 2012.

Can you believe it?

Ugh.

I know. Just ugh.

So, in case y’all already don’t feel bad enough for my poor husband being saddled with a clumsycrazyawkward wife and three noisystinkydemanding dogs, I have the clincher for you: Today is Mr. Hausfrau’s birthday.

A birthday on January 2nd, when the entire world is SO OVER celebrating and barely coming out of their holiday stupor is a little anti-climactic. Folks are relieved to get the holidays past them and resume normal life, getting that increasingly long to-do list checked off. Everyone is getting back to work and spending an extra hour in the gym.

Just try getting a last minute birthday cake on January 2nd. See how the entire bakery will laugh at you. And then roll their eyes.

Yep, when it came to birthdays, Mr. Hausfrau got kinda shafted. Poor guy.

But, that’s why I made him my favorite smoothie for his birthday. I even crusted the glass with yellow sugar. To add a little bit of special and a touch of crack. Sure there will be candles and cake and ice cream later, but starting the day with a belly full of health is the least I can do for that man.

And if you’re like me and had nearly eaten your bodyweight in sugar coated, fat injected carbs last month? Well, short of a colonic, this smoothie is the least I can do to help your insides start the new year off right.

My Favorite Smoothie
(serves 2)

1 cup frozen strawberries
1/2 cup frozen mango
1/2 cup frozen pineapple
1 cup greek yogurt
1 scoop banana protein powder
4 teaspoons sweetener (honey, maple syrup, Splenda, etc)
1 cup water
5 ice cubes

Add ingredients to the blender in the following order for smoothest blending: water, yogurt, sweetener, protein powder, frozen fruit, and ice cubes. Blend until smooth and enjoy immediately.

“Yep, there she goes – she done did it again. Putting bacon on a donut as if there’s a shortage of bacon or donuts being eaten in this world.”

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did done did it again and I do done think it’s good.

Besides, this donut is a tribute to Elvis and his favorite sandwich. We’re talking about a banana donut with peanut butter glaze and bacon sprinkle. You can’t fault me for my desire to honor a musical icon.

I won’t be a cheese-ball and say that one bite of this donut had me all shook up.

But since we’re there, let me tell you why I can’t help falling in love with these little gems. First, we have a donut that is tender and fluffy in the middle with a fine, brown sugar crispness at the edges. The peanut butter glaze amplifies the sweetness and nuttiness of said edges. The bacon balances everything out with just a little bit of smoke, salt and meatiness. It’s a little donut with a big flavor.

Dare I say that this donut is a hunka hunka burning love in your tummy?

No. One of these donuts isn’t. But maybe if, like me, you eat a couple in one sitting, they’ll indeed be sitting like a hunka hunka something in the bottom of your gut.

It’s kinda hard not to partake in more than your fair share. A delicious plate of these, sitting in their decisive little pile, throwing seductive glances and crispy bacon crumbles your way, may leave you panting like a hound dog, unable to resist one more donut and then another one.

Anyway, I promised myself that I would never be a total dork and throw in a bunch of truly terrible Elvis puns to pitch these donuts. It would make y’all groan out loud, much like I do at some of Mr. Hausfrau’s jokes. I won’t be (that) cruel.

But, I’ll be honest with you – it may be a blue Christmas without these donuts.

Elvis Donuts
(heavily adapted from Everyday with Rachel Ray)

1 1/4 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
3 ripe bananas, mashed
1 tablespoon vanilla
1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup half and half
1/4 teaspoon vanilla

6 slices of bacon, finely diced and fried until crisp

Preheat the oven to 350.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugars, eggs, mashed banana, vanilla and oil.

Stir the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until no streaks of flour appear.

Fill the greased wells of a donut pan until approximately 2/3 full of batter. Bake 15 minutes. Allow the donuts to cool completely in their pans before gently removing them.

For the glaze: In a small bowl, mash the powdered sugar into the peanut butter until combined. whisk in the half and half, one tablespoon at a time until blended. Whisk in the vanilla.

Dip the donuts in the glaze and place them on a wire rack set over wax paper or another sheet pan, allowing the excess glaze to drip down. Once the glaze has had a few minutes to start setting, sprinkle the bacon crumbles across the donuts. Allow the glaze to fully set before enjoying.

I said healthy.  Not icky.

Why bother, right?

Well, you see, my teeth are sweet but big butts aren’t neat.  At least on me.  It’s okay on Kim Kardashian, because let’s face it, she has more going for her than a large tushie.

Yes, that’s right.  It’s the impressive Birkin bag collection.

Spontaneous Hausfrau’s Birkin collection = 0

Kimmie K’s Birkin collection = 9

She wins.  Though that number is only rumored.  Whatevs.  The closest I come is with a pair of Birkinstocks.

(That isn’t even quite the truth – I went through that phase in college and got over that phase in college.  Because, you know, I wanted to be gainfully employed.)

Anyway, where was I?  Oh, yes – my teeth. They’re sweet, and I like to enjoy a treat EVERYday, particularly around that doomed 4 o’ clock hour I like to refer to as a “snack or a nap” time.  It’s that time when you’re really starting to drag and you need to either get a little sumthin-sumthin in your mouth or snore it out at your desk.

You know that saying about a cupcake a day keeping the doctor away?

No?

A girl can always dream.

Cupcakes are fun, but they don’t add much to the daily nutritional profile.  As much as I love my desserts, I do try to seek some balance in my diet.  No sense in eating something on a daily basis that is going to leave you feeling all cracked out, thirsty and delirious.  I only like feeling this way on Fridays.  You feel me?

So, I took a banana bread recipe and swapped out a lot of the fat for pumpkin.  The wheat flour was replaced with a more nutrient and fiber dense blend of fresh buckwheat and oat flours.   Coconut sugar makes an appearance instead of the white stuff.  And, I gilded a few lilies with a handful of crystalized ginger.  So, I still feel special.

The results let me feel a little indulgent every afternoon and keep my tummy from rumbling before dinner time.

Calming the beast within.

Much to Mr. Hausfrau’s delight.

Gingered Pumpkin Banana Bread

1/3 c. egg whites

2 bananas, mashed

2 tablespoons oil

1/2 cup pumpkin

3/4 cup coconut sugar

1 1/4 cup oat flour

3/4 cup raw buckwheat groats, ground into a fine flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

2 teaspoons vanilla

1/2 cup crystallized ginger, finely chopped

Preheat the oven to 325.  Grease a standard-sized loaf pan.

In a medium bowl, beat the egg whites with the mashed banana, oil, pumpkin, and coconut sugar.  In a separate bowl, sift together the dry ingredients.  Pour the dry ingredients into the wet and stir until no streaks of flour remain.  Fold in the vanilla and crystallized ginger.

Scrape the batter into the greased loaf pan and bake for 40-50 minutes, until deep golden brown.  Cool for 45 minutes and serve.

Bananas can’t catch a break in this house.  Each week, I purchase a bunch and (nearly) each week, I throw away a rotten bunch.  Sometimes, I can catch them in that window when they are perfectly speckled and good for smoothies or vegan soft-serve ice cream.  Most times, however, I promise myself that I will make banana bread and end up forgetting about the bananas until they’re so black and wrinkled that they seem to be melting into the counter.

Truth be told, I find banana bread to be kinda boring.  Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy it.  I just usually don’t feel like dirtying the kitchen for it.  I need a little more excitement that can’t be solved by a handful of pecans or chocolate chips.  When it comes to banana bread, I need some lily-gilding.

Peanut butter swirl and coconut flakes?  Now that’s a banana bread I can shake and shimmy to.

Peanut Butter-Swirled Banana Bread

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Grease an 8.5 x 4.5 inch loaf pan.

2.  Whisk together the flour, salt, baking powder, sugar, and cinnamon in a large bowl.

3.  In a medium bowl, mash bananas.  Whisk in the eggs and stir in the coconut oil, applesauce, and vanilla.  Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until combined.

4.  Scrape the batter into the prepared loaf pan.  Drop spoonfuls of peanut butter over the surface of the batter and swirl through with a dull knife for a marbled effect.  Sprinkle coconut evenly over the batter.

5.  Bake for 50-60 minutes.  Cool, slice, and enjoy!