I absolutely, hands-down-and-shake-them-all-around, love the peppermint brownie that Starbucks puts out for the holidays. Like, in a way that borders on scary. I seriously don’t know what they put in them, but I surmise that crack is highly likely.

Well, the other day, I NEEDED one of those brownies. But I wasn’t leaving the house because my hair also NEEDED to see a shampoo bottle and, frankly, that just wasn’t on the schedule.

So, I got to gathering the ingredients for a homemade, copycat recipe I found online, grumbling all the way through because that junk was complicated. Each recipe called for multiple steps, refrigeration, doing the hokey pokey, etc. Anyway, I’m whizzing around the kitchen, grabbing bowls, fiddling with ovens, hoisting flour, dodging puppies and my clumsiness just got the best of me. While reaching for the sugar on an overhead shelf, I got smacked, square in the head, with a bag of chocolate chips.

Story of my life.

When I bent to retrieve the bag, I saw that it wasn’t just any ole’ bag of chips. It was that bag of Nestle Tollhouse Dark Chocolate and Mint Morsels I haphazardly threw into my basket a few weeks ago on a spree at Target.

Oh, now there’s an idea.

You could say it was divine intervention. I say it was a Christmas miracle for this little Jewish girl.

Instead of making that copycat Starbucks recipe, I made a brownie that has all the basic components of those blessed Starbucks treats: chocolate, peppermint, cream cheese, brownies, calories, calories, and CALORIES.

The result? Um, let’s just say I found out how many brownies I can fit into my mouth at once.

It’s 3, and it isn’t something that I’m proud of. But at least I didn’t have to wash my hair for them.

Peppermint Chip Brownies
(adapted from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything)

2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, roughly chopped
1 stick unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup flour
pinch salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon flour
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup Nestle Tollhouse Dark Chocolate and Mint Morsels

Preheat the oven to 350.

First prepare the cream cheese swirl by creaming 2 tablespoons butter and the cream cheese with 1/4 cup of sugar. Beat in one egg and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla. Fold in 1 tablespoon flour. Set aside

In a medium bowl, combine the flour and salt.

In another medium bowl set over a pot of simmering water, warm the butter and chocolate until the butter is all melted and the chocolate is halfway melted. Remove from the heat and whisk until all the chocolate is melted. Whisk in the sugar until combined. Add the eggs, one at a time, and continue whisking until the mixture is well blended. Add the chocolate mixture to the flour mixture and fold together until combined. Spread the brownie mixture into to an 8 by 8 pan.

Pour the cream cheese mixture on top of the brownie mixture and swirl to achieve a marbled effect. Sprinkle with the chocolate/peppermint chips

Bake the brownies 20 – 25 minutes and allow them to cool before slicing.

*If you can’t find the mint chip mix, just use semi sweet chocolate chips and add a bit of peppermint extract in the cream cheese swirl mixture.

Really. I get it.

But, you’ll need to eat again sometime soon. You may even have houseguests for the weekend and they’ll want to be fed. The Thanksgiving leftovers will be fun and awesome and thebestthingever for about 24 hours, until no one wants to even look at them again.

Yes, you’ll get a little hungry some time late Saturday afternoon. Maybe you’ll have done some holiday shopping and keyed a few cars after they stole your spot at the mall. You’ll need a little comfort and you’ll want “a little something.” Just a little treat to soothe your frazzled nerves.

Besides, your cousins, the ones from nowheresville, USA have decided to just pop by, and they’re hinting heavily at how they had a light lunch. Your sister’s kids are there, too, precious little cherubs that they are. Those little cherubs have been playing Cowboys and Indians for the last 4 hours. Loudly.

You realize the fastest way to keep your guests happy, the screaming children quiet and yourself from positively levitating is to feed everyone SOMETHING. You check the pantry but the the broken and smashed cookies from a few days ago just aren’t cutting it, especially when all the turkey-shaped sugar cookies are missing their heads. It’s a little chilling, if you ask me.

Stay calm. Because you have a magic weapon and it’s this glorious bread and spread combination. The loaf lets you use up some of those odds and ends you have leftover from the holiday, too. It’s moist, orange, and proud from the butternut squash, flecked with fresh cranberries, and hinting of an orange essence. You’ll be glad you made this and stored it in the freezer to have on hand for moments like these.

And the spread? Well, who can resist cream cheese chunked with cheddar and chutney, studded with dates, crystallized ginger, and macadamia nuts? It’s perfect with the bread or any other sliced carbs you have hanging out in the kitchen.

Your family will think you’re some sort of superhero. The kind that slays dragons in stained sweatpants and scuffed Ugg boots. And that’s a good thing.

Because this is the time of year when you really do strive to be a little more like Martha Stewart, even if you normally disdain her year-round precision.

You KNOW that Martha isn’t bustin’ out some broke-ass cookies when company decides to drop by. And neither should you.

Butternut Cranberry Orange Loaf

1 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cup milk
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 1/3 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup butternut squash puree
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon orange zest
1 cup raw cranberries, roughly chopped

Preheat oven to 350.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and baking powder. Set aside.

In a large bowl, cream the butter until soft. Add the sugar and beat on high speed until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, and beat on low speed after each addition. Add vanilla, orange zest, and squash puree and mix on low speed until combined.

Add half of the flour mixture to the butter/squash mixture and stir until barely combined. Fold in the milk and stir in the rest of the flour mixture until just blended. Fold in the chopped cranberries.

Transfer the mixture to greased loaf pan and bake for approximately 1 hour, until a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out dry. Cool and remove from the pan. Slice the bread once you are ready to serve it.

Chunky Chutney Spread
(adapted from Rachel Ray)

1 8-ounce block of cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sharp cheddar, shredded
1/3 cup mango chutney
1/2 cup macadamia nuts, roughly chopped
1/4 cup crystallized ginger, minced
1/4 cup dates, chopped

Add all your ingredients to the bowl of food processor and pulse 20-30 times, until well-combined but still a little chunky. Serve or store covered in the refrigerator.