Here are the top 2 reasons why this Chickpea Tagine, a decidedly cold-weather themed dish, came out of my kitchen last week, nearly midway through April:

1. It was cold in Baltimore last week. I’m talking FAH-REEZING. Parts of the area had hail falling. I packed away all my winter clothing, like a chump, weeks ago. No matter how many tank tops I layered underneath my sassy summer-weight parka, I couldn’t get warm. So I stayed in most of the week, shuffling around the house in the lone winter ski jacket still hanging in the closet. I looked kinda weird walking to the mail box in capris and a puffy jacket. But then again, my neighbors should expect nothing less from me.

2. I recently won an olive giveaway from Country Cleaver and I have olives a plenty. Don’t get me wrong, I love olives. (Say that aloud. Isn’t that clever? Shoot me.) But you can only toss them into salads for so long before it gets mighty boring. I needed to really MAKE something with my olive bounty.

3. Did I say there were 2 reasons? I just remembered another one. I have a very large, rather obnoxious bag of prunes in my pantry. No matter how many prunes I pinch from the bag for a recipe here and a recipe there, those shriveled things keep multiplying. I need to put the bag on birth control. But in the meantime, like the olives, I really needed to MAKE something with my prune. . . investment.

So, this tagine happened. And what I really like about this tagine is that a good 75 percent of this can be made from things you likely have on hand in your pantry. It’s a good way to throw something together when your refrigerator is barren.

And if you don’t have an ingredient on the list, you can likely sub what you do have. No mint in the fridge? Use cilantro or parsley. Don’t have prunes? Use apricots. Don’t have apricots? Use raisins.

Don’t have raisins? Who are you?

Just order takeout, okay?

Chickpea Tagine
(adapted from The America’s Test Kitchen Healthy Family Cookbook)

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
3 (3-inch) strips lemon zest
2 tablespoons lemon juice
5 garlic cloves, crushed
2 1/2 teaspoons paprika
2 teaspoons garam masala
4 cups vegetable broth
1 tablespoon agave syrup
1 pound carrots, peeled and sliced 2 inches thick (1 inch thick for thicker carrots)
1 (15-ounce) can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup pitted green olives, rinsed
1/2 cup pimento stuffed green olives, rinsed
1 cup prunes, chopped
1/4 cup fresh mint, chopped

In a large pot or dutch oven, saute the onions in the olive oil until the onions are translucent. Add the lemon zest and continue cooking until the onions are browned. Stir in the carrots, garlic, paprika, garam masala and saute until fragrant and the mixture is well coated in the spices. Add the broth, agave, chickpeas, olives, and prunes. Bring to a boil and reduce the heat. Cover the pot and allow the mixture to simmer 30 minutes until the tagine has thickened and the carrots are tender but still hold their shape.

Remove the mixture from the heat. Remove the lemon zest strips. Stir in the lemon juice and chopped mint. Serve with your favorite grain.

Mr. Hausfrau tends to get into ruts with foods, particularly breakfast.

For example, there was that 5 month period when he ate cottage cheese and berries every day for breakfast. Another time, he started the day with a yogurt and a banana, every day of the week, for 3 months. Oatmeal made it’s appearance every morning for another period of 4 months. Every. Day.

I’m afraid he’s rubbed off on me. Last week, I had a seared tempeh veggie bowl with Bitchin’ Sauce for lunch on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday . . . you get it.

Admittedly, there was a little bit of variety with the veggies and carb. Soba noodles one day. Brown rice another. Cauliflower. Brocolli.

The star of the show was that creamy, dreamy, spiced and bright Bitchin’ Sauce. Lots of it, front and center, every day. Tossed and covered. Smothered. It was like Waffle House up in here. With a full set of teeth.

I’m not sick of it yet. In fact, I dreamt about Bitchin’ Sauce the other night. The details are fuzzy, but I woke up all hot and bothered, wondering if Bitchin’ Sauce would work as an oatmeal topping.

Would it be too dramatic to say that I owe Melissa from The Faux Martha my first-born for bravely deconstructing the sauce label and creating her recipe?

Oh, wait. I’m not having children.

Um. Does anyone want to offer up one of their own? We can wait until they become teenagers, if that’s more convenient for y’all.

With the most recent batch, I decided to play around with Melissa’s recipe, reminded by a love of curry and mustard, recently brought to my attention by Julie at Table for Two with her rendition of curry salad dressing from Chicken Kitchen. You still following this?

So, two recipes came together in rapture and made a baby. Which, to reiterate an earlier point, is not to be confused with me making a baby.

It’s Curry Mustard Bitchin’ Sauce, and it’s every bit as addicting as the original flavor. Feel free to eat it every day of the week. In fact, I encourage it.

Curry Mustard Bitchin Sauce
(Adapted from Faux Martha, inspired by Table for Two)

3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons water

1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons olive oil

1/2 cup raw almonds, soaked 4 hours and drained

1/4 cup lime juice

3 tablespoons nutritional yeast

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

2 teaspoons Bragg’s liquid aminos

1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons curry powder
1 teaspoon ground mustard powder
1/4 teaspoon coriander

Place all the ingredients in the blender and blend 2-3 minutes, until sauce is thick and creamy. Store in a tightly covered jar. Will keep for 1 week.

I went a little overboard with the grapefruits last week. Shocker. I never go overboard with fruit.

(Why do I always feel compelled to point out my shortcomings?)

The grapefruit were so bittersweet and juicy, it really wasn’t a shame to have them fragrant on my counter. Hiding the smell of dog pee.

(Won’t you come over? The milk is safe to drink)

But I wanted to do something exciting with those lovely globes, other than greedily slurp them over the sink and later leave sticky fingerprints all over the kitchen. I also wanted to make a springy dessert. In case you forgot or didn’t get the memo about April arriving.

Lastly, my donut pan – the one with all the miles on it – it was all sad-face and pouting in the utensils drawer. I really wasn’t in the mood for a childish tantrum, so I was all, “FINE, I’ll make donuts for lunch.”

(Lunch? Really?)

Since I’ve been on a winning run of tweakdom with my Babycakes cookbooks, I thought I’d try to keep up the streak. Seriously, every single recipe from those cookbooks in which I don’t follow the directions – turns out great. When I follow the ingredients list, I’m better off saving a few precious hours of mixing, pouring, swearing and cleaning and just putting those ingredients straight into the trash.

(That’s me complaining, again. I think I’m genetically pre-disposed to such things.)

I knew by the look and smell of things that these donuts would be pretty decent but when I tasted one of these completed, all iced and sprinkled, my tastebuds said, “Slippity slap on the woogety woo!”

(Whatever that means.)

Let me just tell you, the tastebuds were happy, and so was I. Fresh off the conveyer belt of my kitchen, these donuts have both a delicate crumb and flavor, with an essence of citrus and ginger that’s just all around pleasant. You keep taking bite after bite, trying to decide what you like most about the donut.

The one bummer about these donuts is that they’re definitely best the day they’re made. The next day? The flavor is still there and just as pleasant, but the texture and weight of these donuts will resemble a horseshoe.

So, the day you make them – keep taking bites until you’ve made all gone. It won’t be that difficult.

Gingered Grapefruit Donuts
(Adapted from Babycakes Covers the Classics)

3/4 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup sorghum flour
1/2 cup potato starch
1/4 cup arrowroot
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon xanthan
1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
3/4 cup agave syrup
6 tablespoons unsweetened apple sauce
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 teaspooons grapefruit zest
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated ginger

Grapefruit Glaze:
1/4 teaspoon grapefruit zest
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
3 tablespoons grapefruit juice
1 – 2 tablespoon almond milk
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

Various sprinkles for decorating

Preheat the oven to 325. Spray the wells of a donut pan with nonstick spray or brush with additional coconut oil.

In a large bowl, whisk together the brown rice flour, sorgum, potato starch, arrowroot, salt, baking soda, xanthan gum, baking powder.

In a medium bowl, combine the coconut oil, agave, applesauce, vanilla, grapefruit zest and ginger.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir until well combined. Fill the wells of the prepared donut pan 2/3 full and bake for approximately 15 minutes, until light golden brown. Allow the donuts to cool in the pan completely before gently removing them.

For the glaze: Combine the powdered sugar, grapefruit zest, grated ginger. Stir in the grapfruit juice. Slowly stir in the almond milk, a little bit at a time, until your desired glaze consistency is achieved.

To finish the donuts, arrange a cooling rack over a sheet pan. Dip the top of the donuts in the glaze and set the donuts, glazed side up, on the cooling rack, allowing the excess glaze to drip down. Decorate with sprinkles, if desired. Allow the glaze to harden before eating.

This soup comes with its own Enya soundtrack.

Go ahead. Laugh at me. You always do.

That’s something you and Mr. Hausfrau have in common.

But, I’m sticking to my guns. I tell you, as I lapped my spoon through that velvety-cool, dilled, green stuff, I could hear it: “Slurp away, slurp away, slurp away.”

What do you mean that’s not how it goes?

Whatever. Let’s not get caught up on lyrics and get skinny dipping in this soup.

This soup is a spa day. It’s afternoon picnics. It’s light breezes and whispering blades of grass. The ruffled hem of your skirt flirting around your calves.

(Oops, you forgot to shave. Make it a maxi skirt. It’s flirting around your hairy ankles.)

It’s dinner in the summer when the kitchen is so darned hot already and who needs to add insult to injury with a boiling pot?

It’s cucumber, avocado, dill, olive oil, cashews, and lime. In a blender. Whizz it. Watch it grow, fluffed and creamy, crawling the jar. Pour it into your bowl. Something special and pretty.

(Unless you’re serving it to a boy. Then put it in a beer stein.)

Savor the sweet sloshing sound of it. Garnish. Whatever sounds good. Cucumber. Watercress, if you’re fancier than me.

(Which is highly likely.)

And then – you guessed it – just slurp away.

Cucumber-Avocado Soup

2 1/2 cups chopped cucumber
1 large avocado
1/4 cup raw cashews, soaked 6 hours and drained
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 teaspoons dried dill
1/2 teaspoon salt

Combine all the ingredients in a high speed blender and blend until smooth. Serve or store in the refrigerator in a tightly covered jar for 24 hours.

These tacos were eaten at 10am.

While I could say they were an early lunch, they were my fourth breakfast.

Yes, fourth.

Lest you think I am a total glutton, I did skip dinner that day.

(Don’t let Mr. Hausfrau convince you I did that just to get straight to dessert. He sits on a throne of lies.)

(Not really.)

While a supposed dessert-for-dinner is a dietary disaster, these tacos at 10am certainly are not.

They’re a mouthful to say – Vegan Tempeh Tacos with Avocado Lime Crema – and a mouthful to chew. A healthy and delightful one, I should add. The tempeh was marinated overnight in maple and spices, then sauteed up the next day in a smidge of olive oil. Did I mention, too, that the tempeh was cubed for maximum crispness opportunity? It matters.

Tangoing away in that taco with the tempeh is vegan pepperjack cheese, salsa fresca, and shredded lettuce, all topped with that avocado-lime crema that’s so tangy, fresh and creamy avocado-y that I’d like to tango with it myself.

In fact I did. No one was home but the dogs, so there’s no proof of me dipping and shimmying with a bottle of creamy green stuff. Thank you, Jebus. THAT would be embarrassing.

Will you just take my word for it that these were nothing short of glorious and almost life changing? I won’t require you to dance with your food, and I wouldn’t even advise you to eat these tacos at 10 am. But then again, I’m not stopping you.

Vegan Tempeh Tacos with Avocado-Lime Crema

1 6-ounce block tempeh, cubed
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon vegan worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon barbecue seasoning
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 cup cashews, soaked 6 hours
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 small avocado
6 tablespoons water
1/2 teaspoon Lawry’s seasoned salt

Corn tortillas
Vegan pepperjack cheese
shredded lettuce
salsa fresca

To make the tempeh: In a medium bowl, combine the olive oil, soy sauce, pepper, worcestershire, barbecue seasoning and cumin. Add the tempeh cubes and toss until well coated. Allow the tempeh to marinate at least 2 hours or overnight. Saute the cubes over medium-high heat in a bit of olive oil until browned and crispy.

To make the avocado-lime crema: Drain the cashew and combine them in the bowl of a food processor wiht the lime juice, avocado, water, and seasoned salt. Puree until smooth and fluffy.

To assemble the tacos: Lightly toast the corn tortillas until warm and layer the lettuce, cheese, salsa fresca, sauteed tempeh within, topping with the avocado-lime crema.

It’s high time this blog featured something cute in shot glasses.

And, really, I’m already kicking myself. While the whole shot glass idea is admittedly really cute, it’s also really hackneyed.

BUT, I recently ate at Seasons 52 and their desserts are served in little shot glasses and they’re all so insanely delicious and cute and it’s totally okay if you choose 5 out of the 7 they offer you because they’re all calorie-controlled and healthy or something like that. So I, too, shall give you shot glasses filled with delicious stuff.

And, it’s actually good-for-you stuff. Since I’m already cleaning out your insides with the juice I posted earlier in the week, I’ll just ride that raw, vegan wave out to never-never land and give you some more stuff that’s healthy and permissible if you eat all 3 shot glasses.

Maybe.

This mousse was also inspired by a recipe from The 3-Day Cleanse. It’s derived from their raw chocolate cashew milk that I tasted and instantly decided it is nectar from the Gods. Upon my second sip, I declared that every stinkin’ day should be raw chocolate cashew milk day. 90 seconds later, when I guzzled all 16 ounces and tried to move, only to feel it luridly sloshing around in my belly, I revised my opinion and wondered what I can do about incorporating the flavors into something with, say, a little less liquid.

And this is it and it’s worth waiting the blasted 6 hours to soak the cashews. So worth it. I generally don’t even go gaga for straight chocolatey desserts (you’ll hate me for saying that), but this stuff has my tongue seeking every nook and cranny of that shot glass. I kinda feel like Snooki, pre-pregnancy.

Whatever you do, when you make this, go out and buy the real deal cacoa powder or grind down cacao nibs into a powder. That raw cacao powder is key, with all that sexy, intoxicating, deep, rich flavor that will turn you, too, into THAT girl at the bar, trying too hard to impress THAT guy by showing off her tongue skills.

Cacoa is where it’s at. Cocoa is whacked.

Raw Vegan Chocolate Mouse

1 cup cashews, soaked 6 hours and drained
2 tablespoons agave syrup
4 teaspoons coconut oil
1 vanilla bean, scraped
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons raw cacao powder
raw cacao nibs for garnish

Combine all the ingredients in the bowl of a food processor and puree for 3-4 minutes, periodically scraping the bowl, until the mixture is creamy and fluffy. Chill 1 hour to further thicken the mousse. Serve garnished with raw cacao nibs.

Be prepared to hate me now – I did a juice cleanse, and I liked it.

That’s right – for 3 days, I drank nothing but juice, juice, juice. 6 times a day. Juice with kale, spinach, parsley. Juice with cucumber and carrots. Pineapple and cilantro. A cashew milk for “dinner.”

Who am I?

A few months ago, I’m sprinkling bacon on donuts and marshmallows. Today I’m talking about juicing? If it’s any consolation, I tried to juice a nice chunk of pork belly but it clogged the damn thing up.

No, not really. And, wow, that’s gross.

It’s just like this: Remember when I said that my guts hate me. Well, I showed them who’s boss with an ass ton of produce. And guess what? My guts don’t hate me anymore. In fact, they don’t even rumble back at me after most meals. I can ease back on the pimple cream because those went buh-bye. The stock price of Coca Cola products must be plummeting because I’ve eased off my 8-a day Coke Zero habit (yes, you read that right). I have MAYBE 1 soda a day. That’s my new happy hour.

In short, my pants are fitting better, and I’m feeling better – quite glorious, in fact.

Have mercy for small miracles.

And my new favorite way to start the day? With a green juice. My new favorite afternoon refresher. Another juice. Ugh, what happened to me?

Perhaps I’ll ponder that during my next cleanse.

(Which is now. Squeeee!)

(Ugh, I’m annoying myself.)

In the meantime, I’ll share with y’all one of my favorite juice refreshers that will be a perfect way to unwind on the deck come one upcoming spring evening.

(And if all this healthy stuff offends you, I promise to look the other way when you drop a hefty slug of vodka in the glass.)

Cucumber Grape Juice Cooler
(Adapted from The 3 Day Cleanse)

10 ounces green grapes
1/2 a large cucumber
1 pear
1 large stalk celery
1 lime, peeled
3 sprigs mint

Juice all the items on low speed once. If desired, run any wet pulp back through the juicer. Serve immediately.

Have I ever mentioned to you that my body hates me?

No, really. It does. More accurately, my guts hate me.

Kinda the wrong way around, no?

You see, every once in awhile, my body just throws its hands up (likely, in exasperation) and says “Eff this! We are not playing like that anymore!” A whole host of foods normally in my diet just. Won’t. Agree. With me.

Farewell gluten, we’re over you.

Adios, dairy. You’re so last year

Chicken? Turkey? Hated it.

Sugar? Well, it’s always been rocky with you.

This whatever-you-want-to-call-it will last a few weeks and then poof. Gone. Buh bye. Bring back the pizza, with some froyo on top.

Whatever. I’m done trying to figure it out (actually, I can’t remember where I put my food journal), so I just go with it. It’s a good excuse to try out new vegan recipes and eat lots of raw kale salad. Which, incidentally, I just tried the other day and UM HELLO, that shiz is good.

Since Biscoff and cookie butter obsession has been making its way around the internet, I thought I’d try my hand at making a gluten free and vegan version. I even made my own gluten free and vegan Speculoos cookies to go into that gluten free and vegan cookie butter. Because I think I have too much time on my hands and I have something to prove to the dogs.

Huh?

Anyway, this is a cookie butter that’s kinder and gentler to your body and the earth. Thus, you’ll feel 12 times more virtuous eating this version. Which means that you can totally eat half the jar (like I did).

Just try to keep it out of your hair (like I didn’t).

Otherwise your dogs will be getting REALLY friendly with you.

(That’s right – like mine did.)

Gluten-Free and Vegan Cookie Butter

For the Speculoos:
(adapted from a recipe by Matzo and Rice)
1 cup Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free all purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ginger
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon baking powder
1 stick Earth Balance
1/4 cup evaporated cane juice
2 tablespoons brown sugar, firmly packed

In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, spices, salt, baking soda, and baking powder. Set aside.

In a medium bowl or in the bowl of a stand mixer, cream the butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Fold the flour mixture into the butter mixture until it holds together.

Transfer the cookie dough to a large sheet of plastic wrap or wax paper and form into a log. Wrap tightly and refrigerate at least 1 hour.

When you are ready to bake off the cookies, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Remove the the cookie dough log from the refridgerator and slice into 1/2 inch rounds. Place the rounds onto a cookie sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake 12 minutes. Allow the cookies to cool completely before making the cookie butter.

For the Cookie Butter:

1 recipe of Gluten Free and Vegan Speculoos cookies (which yields approximately 3 1/2 cups of crushed cookies)
2 tablespoons coconut oil
2 tablespoons brown sugar
6 tablespoons cashew butter

Pulse the cookies in a food processor into fine crumbs. Add the coconut oil, brown sugar, and cashew butter and process for approximately 3 minutes, scraping the bowl as needed, until the mixture is fluffy and creamy. Store in a tightly covered container in the refrigerator.